The Keys to an Athletic Tournament

First of all, let me take a moment to apologize to my faithful readers for the long intermission that I have taken between posts. It has been a busy couple of weeks but I will do my best to keep it from happening again. Thank you for your fidelity despite my neglect.

This past weekend, Chris and I chaperoned a trip down to the southern part of the island to a city called Kaohsiung (that is the Romanized spelling, though I found that it is really pronounced something more like “Gow-shung”. Why spell it that way? I’m not sure but I have been trying to get to the bottom of it all week.) Anyhow, after a hectic volleyball and soccer season consisting of two volleyball and one soccer games, it was time for the season-ending tournament where international schools from all over the island competed. Chris was selected as one of the teacher chaperones because he is athletic director and I was selected mainly because my husband is the athletic director but I was also given the proud duty of yearbook photographer. Never having been an athlete myself, I was first introduced to tournament life three years ago through Chris’ coaching escapades. Now, we have noticed many things that are different between the Taiwanese lifestyle and our own, but few have been more pronounced than this little sporty sojourn.

The first difference I have already mentioned and that is the number of games played in a “season.” There are only a handful of international schools within driving distance of our school and local Taiwanese schools don’t have sport teams so, logistically, we really can’t schedule too many games. But, the real reason is this. The Taiwanese people don’t care about sports. I know, to some of you avid Auburn or Bronco fans, those words might seem like sacrilege, but it is true. Here, after kids finish a day at school, many of them head off to piano lessons. After piano lessons, they go to their Japanese tutor and then to their math tutor. Then, they have to hurry home in time to swallow some dinner before their cello teacher comes by for a lesson at home. This hardly leaves time for athletics.

When the first game of the tournament started, I noticed the second difference. Where were all of the fans? Now, I recognize that the tournament was far away, but it was pretty much the equivalent of State back home. Not one of our parents made the trip with us and, in fact, out of the eight teams who competed, there were two sets of parents there. Two! It kind of makes the idea of having a cheerleading squad a little bit ridiculous. The lack of a fan base didn’t seem to bother the kids and they were content just to have their coaches and teammates there cheering them to… well that brings me to my next point.

Let me just say this. Don’t judge us because our school is small and this is the first year to have a high school so, let’s just say we came up a little bit short. Okay, a lot short. Our volleyball team not only didn’t win any matches, they didn’t win a single game. But, talking to them during and after the tournament, they really were okay wit that. So many times you hear a parent or coach persuading their little leaguer to buck up because, even though they lost, they sure played well. But that was what these girls really thought! They didn’t care that they came in dead last, they had a great time doing it. Our boys’ soccer team won one game and you would have thought they won the entire tournament. The fiercest competition that I found was not found on a court or on a field, it was in the room where the girls slept.

Since the tournament was so far away, we stayed the night Friday night at the school. The boys were given the gym to sleep in and the girls were given the music room. I was sitting in the gym watching some kids play around after our first game on Friday when I heard one of our students say that another student was needed down in our room. Not wanting to miss what was going on (for more reasons than one), I followed them. I was shocked to find that in our room, the students had pulled out the piano and were having a piano playing competition! And, I am not talking about Chopsticks or Heart and Soul. I’m talking about Flight of the Bumblebee type stuff that totally blew my mind. Their fingers were flying across the keys while others stood around cheering them on or critiquing their use of the pedals. I have to say, it was quite unexpected but very entertaining. Kids who I can’t get to turn in one paragraph of homework were showing off their musical prowess with Bach.
All in all, the tournament was quite enjoyable despite the lack of trophies and it was a wonderful cultural training for us. We’ll make sure to brush up on our Tchaikovsky before basketball season.

When in doubt...say yes

For anyone thinking about spending time in a place where you don't speak the language, I have a few tips on the do's and don't's to help you get along in daily life.
Let's start with the Don't's:
1) Never think you are above pointing and gesturing like a neanderthal. You'd be surprised how many people actually enjoy a game or two of charades. Besides, you really haven't lived until you've ended a conversation with a complete stranger with your leg hoisted up on their desk while you make doggy paddle motions with your hands.
2) Don't think that speaking louder will suddenly make someone speak your language. We've been on both sides of this experiment and it hasn't turned out well yet. No matter how slowly or at what volume the lady at the grocery store explains how I am supposed to prepare the mystery food I have just purchased, the Mandarin switch is not going to turn on, no matter how much we both want it to.
3) Don't underestimate the power of "please" and "thank you." You may not be able to be fluent overnight but you can at least be polite.
4) Most importantly, don't take yourself too seriously and don't get frustrated. When you tell the clerk at the 7-Eleven that you are a stupid monkey instead of asking for a bag because your tones are off, the best thing to do is just to laugh it off. After all, they are already laughing so you might as well make them laugh with you and not at you.

Do's
1) The first thing that I have learned to do when someone speaks to me is to smile. I may have no idea what they are talking about but at least I can be pleasant to look at, right? I have found that a nice silly grin beats "deer in the headlights" any day.
2) If after a big grin, the person doesn't realize you have no idea what is going on and they continue speaking to you, I enjoy giving them a nice "knowing" chuckle. You'd be surprised how many times a friendly chortle is appropriate in a stranger's conversation. If it isn't appropriate, this will hopefully really drive the point home that you are quite in the dark about what the other person is saying. And, it usually makes the other person laugh and gives them a nice story to tell their friends.
3) Use what you do know. I have gotten a few "deer in the headlights" on the other end since my pronunciation is so ridiculously bad but I have also gotten what I wanted more times than not. I heard once that the reason that Harry Caray led the crowd of Cubs fans in singing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" every seventh inning stretch was because he was so bad, everyone thought they could do better so everyone joined in singing. So, I will call my attempt at Chinese the "Harry Caray Effect". I butcher their language so badly, they have to know that their English is going to be better than my Mandarin and so they try it.
4) My final tip is a dangerous one but has served me well thus far. When in doubt, say yes. You can tell when someone is asking you a question in Chinese because their sentence ends with "ma?" So, if someone is waiting for me to answer them, I have just learned to say, "yes." It is kind of like a quick game of chance. Ooh, what have I ordered this time? It makes opening the carry-out bag for dinner much more exciting. We've had a few negative surprises like the watered down peanut butter juice for breakfast the other day, but mostly they have been positive, like last night when the lady just kept adding more food to our bag with no extra charge. Hopefully we didn't offer her our first-born in exchange for fried sweet potatoes.

I hope these tips were helpful. Happy communicating!

From Fajitas to Titanic

Seeing as how we’ve been here for two months now, I think that it is about time for us to tell you what we are actually doing here. I am going to describe my day in this blog and Chris will describe his later.
I knew that I would be teaching English but as an unexpected surprise, I am also teaching one section each of French and Spanish. Who knew that I would actually be able use romance languages in the Orient? Teaching Spanish pronunciation during the first week of classes brought some unexpected challenges.
“Remember, the ‘j’ in Spanish is pronounced like an ‘h’, just like in the word… (to self: wait a minute, they have probably never heard the word ‘fajita’ before in their lives, I’ll give it a shot anyway) fajita.” After silencing the rising hum of “huh?” and “what?” that overtook the classroom, I attempted to depict this Mexican cookery. Imagine trying to explain a fajita when your audience doesn’t know what a tortilla is either. The quote of the week came from a student offering his input about the foreign delicacy, “Oh yeah, I think they have those at TGI Fridays.” Ah yes, the great Mexican tradition of TGI Fridays.
The English classes that I teach have been a stretch since I have never taught English before, but they have also been a blast. Both classes are specifically English writing classes. The first writing class is what we have deemed the “IEP” section. This stands for “Intensive English Program” and is designed for students with extremely limited English or learning disabilities. I wasn’t sure exactly how limited their English was going to be before classes started. After all, they were admitted to an all-English school, right? They must be at least mildly proficient. Wrong. It was from this class that I had the famed tear-shedding incident. After the first day of school, apparently two of my six students from this class went home and cried to their English tutor who promptly called the school to see what monster would do this to his precious students. Oops. Apparently, they got over it, because they came back and very rarely give me dirty looks.
Now, I know that this is against the rules, but I have to admit that this class might be my favorite. Their English ability is so low that it is like teaching kindergartners who don’t pick their noses or pee in their pants. They get so excited when they actually understand when someone is trying to be funny, they crack up at the simplest things. When we talked about asking questions, I asked them, “Do you sing in Bible class?” and they said they did. Then, I asked them, “Do you sing in science class?” And the class erupted in laughter. Now, if you know me, you know that I love for people to think that I am funny and this class makes it really easy. Maybe that is why I like them so much. In this class, there is a sweet girl named Cindy who thinks that it is a travesty that Chris and I don’t have any kids yet. “Why no baby?” she asked me one day. “Baby so cute!” I wanted to pinch her cheek and say, “No, you so cute!” But, I refrained.
My other writing class is also full of characters. Their level is much higher than my IEP’s but they still need help to get them to a high school level. In this class is a friendly young gentleman named Leo. Leo is a portly freshman who likes to randomly burst into song. I’m not talking about songs you would normally expect from a high school boy. I’m talking about “My Heart Will Go On”, “Shepherd of my Soul” and other songs of that nature. He often compares himself to a panda in his writing which is a relatively accurate description: big, clumsy, but also sweet and charming. He is so eager and full of energy, you want to laugh at him and yell at him at the same time.
There are many more but as this is getting long and I have lesson plans to write, I will leave you. Sing a bar of “My Heart Will Go On” for old time’s sake, you know you want to.

A Little Comedy to Round Out the Week

Well, we figured it was about time to update you on some of the comedy going on in the streets of Taipei. We hope you enjoy!

This shirt is a little extreme, don't you think?

What a kicky days, indeed!

OK, is the cute little bear creeping anyone else out?

Someone got way too excited naming this coffee shop...

A bathroom sign that is a little bit too informative...

Yes folks, that is a dinosaur riding a scooter.





Ah yes, the classic tale of two nice girls who liked stuff.

We hope this brightened your week! Spread a little confused hilarity with your friends.

Let's All Go to the Movies!

To those of you who read our last blog, we made it through the typhoon safe and sound. We never lost power and we didn’t even get a day off from school! The next time a typhoon visits, I am going to see what I can do about having it arrive during the week instead of the weekend.
We made up for last weekend’s quarantine by spending as much time as we could handle wandering around the city. Our morning was slightly interrupted by our third trip to the emergency room (the second was to take my stitch out). Chris apparently contracted pink eye from one of our darling students. However, about $10 and thirty minutes later, he was drugged up and we were on our way.
After getting the medical OK from my dad the eye doctor, we decided to join some friends to go to the movies. Now, I wouldn’t have thought that a movie theater would be blog-worthy, but Taiwan really knows how to do the whole movie experience. I thought that I would let you know about it so that America could get on the ball.
Your first question is an obvious one. Can you actually understand the movies? Thanks to Hollywood having an overwhelming monopoly on the entertainment of the entire planet, most of the movies that they play here are American. And, I guess that dubbing is more expensive than adding subtitles so they simply add a few characters at the bottom of the screen and Voila! The movie is ready to amuse Chinese speakers all over Asia. The score? America 1, Taiwan 1
So now that American and Taiwan are on an even playing field, let’s start comparing other aspects of the movie-viewing experience. When you buy your movie tickets in the States, you typically buy the ticket and go into the theater. If you decide to go to a movie on opening weekend, make sure to show up at least thirty minutes to an hour before show time to make sure to get good seats. Not so in Taiwan. Tickets are issued with assigned seats in the theater. I wasn’t sure if I would like this or not, but it turns out that I love it. There is no hunting for good seats, no searching for the rest of your group in a dark theater and best of all, no sitting watching ridiculous trivia for forty-five minutes to avoid watching the movie from the front row. Simply buy your tickets, choose your seats, go have dinner and show up to the theater at the time the movie starts. What a concept. Our score? American 1, Taiwan 2.
Taiwan clearly has the upper hand at the snack counter as well. No, I am not going to regale you with tales of strange and exotic Asian cuisine fed to movie-goers. Instead, I am going to tell you that your wildest dreams have come true. Here, you are actually allowed to bring your own food and drink into the theater. Yes, my friends, there is no need for over-sized purses or coats here. No shoving candy bars and sodas in awkward places or sneezing as you crack open your Coke. Just buy your desired nibblies and walk right in with them in plain sight. Buying your own snacks also has an effect at the theater itself. Since the movie-goer can purchase their snacks anywhere they please, the prices at the movie theater for refreshments are actually quite reasonable. Hurray capitalism! The final thing that I really would like to see in the States is the choice between regular popcorn and caramel corn. I didn’t see any of the pour on “butter” to add to your salted popcorn but I still think that Taiwan wins this match as well. America 1, Taiwan 3.
The thing that really convinced me that Taiwan was doing things right was when we walked in the theater to find our seats. As we shimmied down the row, I noticed that something was missing. What is this? I wondered. My feet are not sticking to the floor! I will admit that there is something strangely comforting about the sticky smacking noise that your feet make as you peel them from the mystery substance coating the floor. I will also admit that I really, really didn’t miss it. The Taiwanese don’t use a lot of carpet but the idea they had to carpet their movie theater floors, I definitely support.
Final Score: America 1, Taiwan 4. Will someone please call AmStar?

The Waiting Game

So, I am going to take a wild guess and presume that none of you know that Taipei is about to get smacked straight on with a category 4/5 typhoon. For those of you who don't "speak Asian", a typhoon is what these folks call a hurricane. For the life of me, I can't figure out the difference. Massive amounts of rain? Check. Crazy strong winds? Check. Inability to find life's essentials of bread, water and Oreos at the local store? Check. Maybe one of you is a closet weather guru and can inform me on why we make a distinction. At any rate, this tempest is about to whack us dead-on.
"How did I not know about this?" you might ask yourself. The answer is quite simple. As it turns out, the English-speaking world really doesn't care that much about Asia. Before you feel too guilty about the ol' stars and stripes, let me tell you that we don't get the cold shoulder from Americans alone but from all anglophones in general. Even here in Taiwan the only thing that CNN "International" is talking about is Ike. Don't get me wrong, I am very concerned for my countrymen even if they are Texans, but I would like to know a little about what is happening off of my balcony. We have been able to watch the Taiwanese news channel and watch the storm tracker from there but there is only so much information I can glean from a few numbers dispersed between Chinese characters.
Despite not knowing when or how hard this typhoon is going to hit, we are trying to gear up the best we know how. I believe we've taken all the necessary precautions. We have made plans for games and movies with our friends and bought the 7-11 out of Pringles and Oreos. What else is there to do? Oh yeah, maybe take a few pictures! Now all there is to do for us is wait and see how we do. Wish us luck through our first major natural disaster!
Here's a few preliminary pics from our balcony for you:

Now you see the 101... Now you don't!

Our First Trip to the ER

I have to preface this story with a Taiwanese cultural note. The Taiwanese are extremely protective and are very afraid of injury or sickness of any kind. At times, it can go a little overboard…
Yesterday, Chris and I were chosen to be two of the teacher chaperones on a field trip for the high school students to go “river tracing.” If you haven’t heard of this event before, you are not alone. We had to ask around to figure out what it was and still didn’t know exactly what we were in for when we drove to the banks of the river with 40 students in tow. After donning the still-damp rental wetsuit vests and booties, we divided into four groups with one teacher per group and followed our guide into the water. It was a little odd being the “leader” of this group for two reasons: 1) I had never done anything like this before and had no idea what was going on and 2) our guide spoke only Chinese so the kids were having to translate all of the instructions for me which was a little discouraging when the guide went on for several minutes and my translation was, “He says we are going to walk up the river.” Despite this confusion, I eventually figured some things out and was able to contribute somewhat to the group. Basically, river tracing is exactly what they tell you not to do if you have ever been whitewater rafting. We hiked up a river and had object lessons on teamwork as we helped one another through rapids or to jump off things or anything else dangerous to do in a river. We were having a really fun time learning to work together until it happened.
Our mission was to get all of the members of our team from one rock to another in a rapid without grabbing their hands or arms. Simple enough, right? Well, I happened to be the last one onto the second rock. The guide had gone to the bank of the river to help get lunch ready. We were all celebrating our victory when someone looked down and noticed that my shin was bleeding. The water had been cold enough that I didn’t feel the injury when it happened and I really didn’t think that it was that big of a deal. However, the kids clearly thought that I had severed my jugular and quickly moved into action. They had me sit down on the rock as one hollered to the guide about our dire situation. In a flash, he came rushing over to put pressure on the gaping ½ cm deep wound. Had he had a tourniquet, I am sure it would have been applied. Since the guide didn’t speak English and I still don’t speak Chinese, I had to depend on the students to communicate with the guide. I asked them to tell him that I was fine and that we could keep going up the river. This was clearly the wrong thing to say because they refused to translate that for me and insisted that it was a very serious injury! After applying pressure to my mutilated leg for a couple of minutes, our guide decided that I must be rushed to the emergency room for stitches. Keep in mind, though I was bleeding, this cut could not have been more than 1 cm long, but off I went, to the ER.
So, when we get to the hospital, I am feeling totally lame. First of all, I really don’t think I need to be there. Secondly, because of this wimpy little “flesh wound”, the kids in my group had to quit river tracing early and play in rafts by the drop-off point in the river instead. The guide’s wife who spoke English came with me and helped me fill out paperwork. The doctor rushed me back to the operating table and, after analyzing my situation, proceeded to put one stitch (one!) in my leg. What kind of crappy story is that to tell? I went to the hospital and got a stitch? I thought about asking the doctor if he could squeeze a couple more in there just to make the story better, but I refrained. They then released me to the waiting room where our guide awaited me with ice cream in hand. He insisted on holding ice to my shin while I gobbled down the treat as quickly as I could to get him up off the ground. After handing me amoxicillin and a bunch of pain killers and paying my shockingly cheap bill, I was released and was able to meet up with the rest of the group.

Tetanus shot $7
Getting stitched $15
Amoxicillin $4
Pain Killers $4

Getting one stitch in my leg in a Taiwanese ER and living to tell the tale? Priceless.