Pass the Pork

When the girls were first born, everything that I knew as “normal” in my daily routine was turned upside-down. As all new parents do, we had to learn to adapt to a life that now revolved around someone else (or, in our case, two someone elses). The jarring time period of readjustment felt a little bit like the proverbial rug got pulled out from under us. We were left lying on our backs gasping for air in a bewildered state of shock. Eventually, however, we caught our breath and learned to appreciate life on the floor. It’s true what they say that sooner or later you “forget” about what life was like before kids. Sometimes I try to remember exactly what I used to do in the afternoons and weekends pre-children. Nowadays conversations about bodily functions have become so natural that on occasion I will inadvertently horrify a toddler-less friend. Sentences like, “No, we don’t eat Cinderella, “Honey, teapots aren’t for hitting,” and “We color on paper not…. (you fill in the blank)” have become commonplace in my everyday vernacular. I have more than one Dr. Seuss book memorized and I am now well-versed in scores of children’s songs that get us through bedtime.

As the girls get older, we face new challenges (i.e. potty training, note previous comment about bodily functions) but we also rediscover hidden gems from our former life. Each time this happens, it feels like we have been given a special gift that we don’t take for granted. In the last few weeks, we have been offered such a treasure: eating out. In the very beginning, eating out didn’t pose much of a problem. We would just load up the diaper bag, each strap a girl to our front in a carrier and head off and enjoy our meal as they slept soundly in their little cocoons. As time drew on, this task became increasingly more difficult. They became active and needy in the toddler sense of the word. This presented an additional element of danger in traditional Korean restaurants as these establishments have a hot grill located in the middle of each table in order to cook the meat for your dinner. Delicious? Yes. Hazardous? Extremely. We attempted it a few times as the girls just started getting grabby and quickly gave up to prevent third degree burns on the girls or any incidents of cardiac arrest for the parents.

A few weeks ago, we decided to give it a go again. We nervously brought them to the table and held our breath as the grill was lighted. I pulled out the arsenal of snacks and crayons to keep their busy little hands occupied as our dinner cooked. To our delight, they waited relatively patiently and their curious little fingers only rarely reached for the fiery forbidden fruit at the center of the table. Chris and I enjoyed a Korean dinner that, compared to a year and a half ago, was a downright pleasure. The girls even had their first taste of kimchi which seemed to forever cement “spicy” into their growing vocabularies. Since this positive experience we’ve revisited a few of our favorite restaurants from our former lives and rekindled our love for Korean fare.

And so another page turns in this novel of parenting and growing up. With this victory comes the faint bittersweet twinge that reminds us that our little ones aren’t babies anymore. Questions coming in asking us about where they will go to school remind us that they won’t be toddlers forever either. And so we snuggle our little girls knowing that the days they will fit in our laps are numbered. We relish in the fun times and recognize that the bad times “are just a phase”. And we order another round of barbecue pork and kimchi.

An Important Lesson

I know that girls want to be pretty. We have some sort of innate desire to be beautiful and to be noticed. So, it didn’t surprise me when the girls suddenly became obsessed with the Disney princesses wanting to don princess dresses of their own. I was delighted when, once royally adorned, they immediately and instinctively recognized that they must spin around in circles to achieve the full potential of their tiny frocks all the while saying, “Dada, look! Dada, look! Pretty dress.” That will melt a mama’s heart.

So, like I said, none of this surprised me. I have my own fond memories prancing around with my sister singing in old flower girl dresses pretending to be Belle or Ariel. Our girls know all of the princess’ names and at least one song from each movie that they regularly request mama to sing or attempt to sing it on their own. Forgive my perpetuating gender stereotypes, but I think this obsession is cute and so I go with it.

Their fascination has taken a turn that I didn’t expect, however. A few weeks ago, we let them sit down and watch The Little Mermaid in its entirety (sorry to all the parents out there who are against movie watching at this age). They were completely enthralled with the movie and didn’t take their eyes from the screen the entire time. They picked up on the parts that I expected them to: Ariel’s song, all the fish. Under the Sea, etc. But Lucy especially seemed to gravitate toward the one character I expected to fast-forward through: Ursula. For whatever reason, Lucy was captivated by this corpulent villainess. She laughed and squealed with delight whenever she was on screen. When Ursula’s more devious nature was revealed, Lucy looked at us and explained, “Ursula is mad!” And so it began. Whenever we talked about Ariel or the other princesses, Lucy’s immediate input was, “Ursula is mad!”

The fixation didn’t stop at The Little Mermaid. We were watching a brief sing-a-long video of Snow White’s “I’m Wishing” when the evil stepmother made a fleeting appearance as she glanced disapprovingly down at the Prince and Snow White. I’m not kidding; she was on screen for probably less than five seconds. But, of course, she was who Lucy spotted and immediately asked about. “Who is that?” and so I told her, “That’s the bad queen.” For days now, all she wants to talk about is how the “bad queen is mad.” They saw the end of Snow White and were far more concerned that the “bruja” (Spanish for witch, that’s what we named her) fell off the mountain than poor Snow White falling “asleep.”

So, my psychoanalytic friends, what does it all mean? Why are my sweet princess daughters being lured away by these evil villains? Even our nighttime routine was taken captive by these wicked antiheros. When it comes time to say our prayers, the girls list friends and family members and then, without fail, Ursula and the “bad queen”. There are a few different things one could take away from this development. Are the girls showing a propensity for the dark side? I am going to choose not to think so. I am going to choose to see it this way. The girls are teaching us a very important lesson: Pray for thine enemies. May we all be so loving.    

Spring Has Sprung!

Between the incredibly beautiful new blossoms, the weather finally inviting us to spend extended periods outside, and the promise of the approaching end of the school year, I have to say that spring is my favorite season here in Seoul. We were able to commemorate the season change with my parents a few weeks ago and got some of our annual photos at the university near our school. The girls were... somewhat cooperative. Enjoy!

I love Tessa!

The hills are alive with the sound of music!

Tension

If you get CNN, the BBC, Fox News, heck even if you get facebook, you are probably aware that things here on the Korean peninsula are not exactly… friendly. Just so we are all aware, the relationship between the Koreas hasn’t been amicable for some time but right now tensions seem to be mounting.

I’m going to be frank with you. We learned the term “the CNN effect” when we first started looking for international jobs. Recruiters warn hopeful teaching candidates to be aware that news stories are often sensational and that life in a country often isn’t what you see on CNN. Teachers who have happily worked in places like Laos or Saudi Arabia corroborate their counsel declaring that they couldn’t have been happier living in these questionable countries. I’m going to tell you that I believe that there is a certain element of truth to this “CNN effect.” If all I knew about the U.S. came from the news, I would think that half the population was rioting for marriage equality while the other half was somehow involved in a mass shooting. Not exactly an inviting place to visit.

And so what does that mean for South Korea? Are we safe? Is CNN blowing Kim Jong-Un’s “bellicose rhetoric” out of proportion? I don’t know. I really have no idea how much of what we see on the news is sensational and how much I need to be worried about. Truthfully, it is a little nerve-wracking. My CNN app on my iPhone is constantly updating me with news about threats, missiles, and Guam while the U.S. embassy here seems cool, calm, and collected. Who do you trust? My brain says to trust the embassy and to look around at my students and notice that all of the ambassadors’ kids are still in my class taking notes and goofing off like any other day. But something in the back of my mind is constantly on edge. I don’t want to be the fool who ignored all the signs and ended up in a heap of trouble because no one told her to be more careful. On the other hand, I don’t want to be like the Y2K wackos who built bomb shelters and stocked them with water and canned goods for the supposed end of the world. So where is the happy medium?

MESSAGE_APRIL04, 2013

A Security Message for U.S. Citizens

The U.S. Embassy informs U.S. citizens that despite current political tensions with North Korea there is no specific information to suggest that there are imminent threats to U.S. citizens or facilities in the Republic of Korea (ROK). The Embassy has not changed its security posture and we have not recommended that U.S. citizens who reside in, or plan to visit, the Republic of Korea take special security precautions at this time. The U.S. Embassy takes as its highest priority the welfare of American citizens in Korea. Should the security situation change, the Embassy will issue updated information.

Convinced? Again, the majority of my mind trusts the Embassy and that it is in their best interest to act on the behalf of its dear citizens abiding abroad. But, there is that little bit of me that isn’t sold. And so I will go about my daily life. I will make dinner, teach class, enter grades. But, I am also going to have a “go bag” packed and ready should we have to skedaddle at a moment’s notice. Am I overreacting? Possibly. Do I care? Not a lot. Judge me if you dare. Judge me for not being careful enough; judge me for being too careful. I’m just doing the best with what I have, people.

I am hoping that one good thing will come from all of this publicity. Perhaps this will be the summer when no one asks us which Korea we live in. SOUTH Korea, people. SOUTH! They don’t like us much up North.

Making a House a Home

I’ll be the first to admit it. I am a terrible decorator. I love it when I walk into someone’s house and everything is just so and they have cool art pieces and just the right accent wall, blah blah blah. I admire those homes and the artist who set it up that way with a sort of awe. How did they do that? How did they know which pieces to buy, where to put them, and what color to pick for their throw pillows? My sister knows how to do it; my mother is great at it…  I, however, fall short in this area. As it turns out, decorating is one of those skills that is important to help you settle in to your living quarters. The throw pillows and accent walls can make the difference between feeling at home and feeling like you are permanently staying in a hotel.

So, what is a less-than-artsy girl to do when she wants to make her apartment seem like less of a stay at the Hilton and more of a home? I tried my hand at art, pictures, area rugs, etc. but our apartment still lacked a certain je ne sais quoi. Our apartment still seemed to fall short of our friends’ places that had seemed to capture the essence of “home”. After much soul searching, I think I finally found the answer: appliances.

As one who loves to eat and therefore must love to cook, I slowly came to the realization that no home of mine would be complete without my stand mixer given to me by my mother for our wedding. This spectacular treasure spent four tragic years collecting dust in our storage unit until this summer when I had enough sense to pull the ol’ girl out and ship her to Korea. I didn’t realize just how naked my counter was until this glorious piece of equipment graced the Formica in August. When I see pictures of our first two years in the apartment, I immediately notice the gaping Kitchenade-shaped hole near the sink. How had I survived for so long without it? That question will have to remain unanswered as I can only reflect on how my kitchen and my cookies will be forever changed by this home-making addition to our apartment.

As the year wore on, we started to realize that our apartment was still missing something; it wasn’t complete just yet. We pondered our dilemma for some time and finally found what our home was missing. This darling little domestic device was installed just last week:

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, a dishwasher. Admittedly we are still figuring this little beauty out as all of the instructions are in Korean and my once-a-week class hasn’t reached the “appliance instructions” chapter yet. At any rate, we have now re-entered the modern age of mechanical dish washing. It was a lovely four and a half years of soap suds and rubber gloves but it is time to move on.

And so, I have come to this conclusion. Should you come and visit a home of the Simpsons (be it in Seoul or somewhere else in the world), you may not have decorative pillows matching hand-knit afghans on the couch. There may not be special guest towels that were chosen to coordinate with the soap dish in the bathroom. But, in my home I can always promise you fluffy cakes and spotless dishes. Is that enough for you? For me, at least, these two details were enough to make our house a home.

Is It Spring Yet?

I’m not sure if you have had a chance to check your calendar, but we are in March already. March, people! How did this happen? I think that one of the reasons that I find this so hard to believe is that it is still unbelievably cold here. Now, I know that it is all relative. Sometimes we talk to our friends who moved here from the Philippines or India and shiver whenever the thermometer dips below 70°. Other times, we talk to friends who moved here from Moscow who haven’t pulled their winter coats out yet. Finding a sensible medium between the two, I am going to tell you that it is cold here and has been for a while.

I also recognize that you might be thinking, “Hey, man up. You are from Denver!” Yes, I know I was born and raised at the foot of the Rocky Mountains but a Colorado winter is quite different from a Korean one. While Denver does indeed deal with blizzards that bury highways and temperatures so low they make your water pipes freeze, Mother Nature frequently smiles upon Colorado and sprinkles sunny 60° days throughout the winter months. Seoul is different. In January, the average temperature was 27° and I can’t remember a day where the high was above freezing. February had a few days above 32°but not by much. Yes, I am used to cold. I know how to scrape ice off of a windshield and I make sure to dress in layers to maximize body heat insulation. But, I am also used to only having to apply those helpful tidbits on and off throughout Colorado’s unusually long “possible snow season”. I am used to expecting snow at Halloween and Easter (never Christmas) but I am also used to pulling out short sleeves in December.

So this whole eternal winter thing is kind of cramping my style. And, I know I am not the only one. All four of us seem to be suffering from a delusional cabin fever. We see the sun shining outside and, for some unknown reason, think that it must be a great day to take a walk. So, we say the magic word “Go” to the girls and they are off like shots to the front door ready to be released from their indoor prison. Not five minutes into our excursion, however, we are forced to succumb to nature as the girls bury their rosy cheeks and snotty noses into our shoulders to shield their faces from an icy wind.

But, I know that spring is around the corner. Well, maybe not around the corner but at least at the end of the block. On particularly cold and dreary days, I find myself wistfully flipping through last year’s pictures to find when we started spending extended periods outside or even wearing short sleeves. It has to warm up soon, right? Right?

Twins: The good, the bad, and the ugly

Well, it has been two years since the so-called “BOGOs” came into our lives and made us a family. Since then, we’ve seen a lot. I was tempted to say that we had seen it all but then I thought about things like school, homework, friends, and even *shudder* boyfriends. So I decided to stick with “a lot”. Twins are a different animal. We get a variety of responses when we tell people that we have twins. We get everything from the awe-struck “Wow, I don’t know how you survived!”, the inappropriate “Are they natural?”, the insensitive “Better you than me!”, to the connection making “I’m a twin!” or “I have twins!” No matter the comment, they almost always cause a reaction. So, I thought I would be real with you and give you the skinny on what it’s like to live with our toddling little phenomena.

Many times in an attempt to make an emotional connection, I’ve had moms tell me, “My kids are only ___ months/years apart. It was pretty much like having twins.” I’m going to let you in on a little secret: No, it wasn’t. There is no such thing as “pretty much” twins. Either they are twins, or they aren’t. Now, I don’t mean that in a derogatory sense at all. I honestly think that there are many things that are more difficult about having kids at two different ages than two at the same age. For me, when it is nap time, it is nap time. For both kids. I don’t have to worry about keeping one quiet so the other can sleep and I get a break at the same time every day. When they were infants, I only had one schedule to keep (and yes, I kept to it. Ask anyone who was around me for the first year of the twins’ lives).There are no “older child toys” and “younger child toys”. We don’t have to worry about the toddler being upset about the baby breaking a favorite doll or the baby swallowing a Lego meant for a toddler. Remember, I was only pregnant once, gave birth once, went through one infancy stage. Hence: BOGO (buy one get one free).

But, I’m not going to lie. There are things that are more difficult with twins. Breastfeeding. I think that is all that needs to be said on that topic. Soothing little babies when all they want is their mother’s full attention and it has to be divided between the two of them. Sometimes I look at new moms and I think to myself, “How is she looking so normal? How is she coping with this new little being so well? I was a MESS at this time!” I have to comfort myself with the thought that I had two and they were a double dose of game-changer. Or it is also quite possible that they just are coping better than I did... or at least hiding it better. Even now when I get home from work, all these two little girls want to do is to be held and played with and, frankly, all I want to do is hold them and play with them. But, I’m home at 4:00 and dinner is at 5:00 (yep, still a schedule freak).  So that means figuring out how to stir spaghetti noodles with no hands. I’ve figured out a few creative solutions but mostly I’ve come to the conclusion that this, just like infancy, is a phase that I need to embrace and that it will get easier.

On the other hand, there are some simply amazing things about twins. They will share a connection that will be impossible for me to understand. They will never remember life without the other. There is no greater gift to a parent than having your kids love each other. People often ask us if they fight and the answer is that yes, they do. I think that sibling rivalry is inevitable no matter what the age similarity/difference is. But they also love each other and enjoy being around each other. Even at this young age, they show empathy, “Uh-oh, sissy is sad!” or concern, “Oh no, sissy is in time out.” They frequently ask to hug and kiss each other, they dance together and hold hands. Just one interaction like that and any of the difficulty we’ve had with them that day melts away and we are once again enthralled with the miracle of these two little girls.

So, there you have it. Twins: the good, the bad, and the ugly. Just remember, unless you had twins, you didn’t have twins.